What if it wasn't his time yet ?
What if I made false accusations and condemned him by doing so?
What if I was wrong and he was perfectly healthy? For now at least...
I had his fate in my hands, and I failed. I didn't protect him well enough. I wasn't sufficient.. I left him behind and I wasn't there to prevent anyone else to take controle. I allowed someone else to decide his fate by not being where I was supposed to be. I went to have fun, and left him defenseless.
I know it had to be. And I know there was no way out.. Only I was stupid enough to postpone the inevitable.. But I cannot help myself. I cannot make myself believe I was not responsible. Cause I was responsible. I knew it had to happen, but I didn't want it to. And then it did. And now I am here.. Blaming myself for not being there. For not being the one to make the decision. For not being there for him.
Done is done.. With good intentions but a sad outcome..
This was it..
I am sorry I didn't try harder. .
♥ Charlie †June 30th 2011†
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torsdag den 30. juni 2011
søndag den 20. februar 2011
Charlie
He is small and sweet.. He loves you as long as you take care of him.. He wants your attention.. He askes for you to care.. He make his best effort to give you his own affection.. He tries his very best to let you know he loves you too.. He gives you his own signs of approval.. He makes your heart melt just by looking at you.. He has his own personality, and he lives for making you happy..
He is not mine.. Never has been.. He belongs to someone who doesn't show him much care, so I have been his mom for quite some time.. I see him and takes care of him every day.. He is a child left in my custody.. I love him, as I love my own.. But now I am to make the decision.. Once again I am the one to be master of the fate of a creature who does not even belong to me.. I am to decide wether he lives or not.. I hate this position.. I hate to say good bye, and to be the one to say; Now is the end!..
But compared to everything I have been given by these creatures, I wouldn't miss a thing! I wouldn't be without the pain, cause the pain reminds me, of why I go through it all.. All the life and happiness they give, all the pleasure and love they bring into your life.. Love them back and it will never be in vain..
I love my animals.. And I would never live a life without them.. I love Charlie, and I hope he will live for many years to come.. He is sick and are not having many chances left. Tomorrow will be my last visit at the Vet.. I just hope for the best.. as Always!
He is not mine.. Never has been.. He belongs to someone who doesn't show him much care, so I have been his mom for quite some time.. I see him and takes care of him every day.. He is a child left in my custody.. I love him, as I love my own.. But now I am to make the decision.. Once again I am the one to be master of the fate of a creature who does not even belong to me.. I am to decide wether he lives or not.. I hate this position.. I hate to say good bye, and to be the one to say; Now is the end!..
But compared to everything I have been given by these creatures, I wouldn't miss a thing! I wouldn't be without the pain, cause the pain reminds me, of why I go through it all.. All the life and happiness they give, all the pleasure and love they bring into your life.. Love them back and it will never be in vain..
I love my animals.. And I would never live a life without them.. I love Charlie, and I hope he will live for many years to come.. He is sick and are not having many chances left. Tomorrow will be my last visit at the Vet.. I just hope for the best.. as Always!
lørdag den 20. februar 2010
Dearest. . .
Do you know the feeling of losing someone? Not a human who is slipping away from you.. Not a person who died.. But a creature who knows how to be your friend.. your family, even though it is not even your species?
But how does it feel to be the one to make the decision? How does it feel to be the one to chose that "today is the day, Now is the Moment"? How is it like to decide that now it's time?
It's terrible.. It's terrible to be the one to chose the death of a creature who has been a part of your life.. a part of your family, the half of your existens..
Even though it is the right choise, It will always be a terrible experience.. It will be a memory who is worse than a nightmare.. Someone like me, will always remember her head leaning to the left.. Will always remember the comfort and safety she was searching for by my side.. Will always remember the turbulent breathing as the violet lequid runs through her veins to her heart.. Will always remember the feeling when I realise that this is the last moment ever.. The very last time.. Will always remember her last breath.. A sad feeling of emptyness and a great loss..
She will be remembered.. They say that a dog is the man's best friend.. But it is so much more than that.. It's an animal who become part of your life and are taking a place in your family as if it was born there.. It gives a feeling of comfort and a feeling of safety when you're alone..
And I will with pleasure do it all once again, when time comes.
She is loved, and will be missed... As the missing member, of our family!
.
We Love You, Lady † Feb. 17th 2010 †
But how does it feel to be the one to make the decision? How does it feel to be the one to chose that "today is the day, Now is the Moment"? How is it like to decide that now it's time?
It's terrible.. It's terrible to be the one to chose the death of a creature who has been a part of your life.. a part of your family, the half of your existens..
Even though it is the right choise, It will always be a terrible experience.. It will be a memory who is worse than a nightmare.. Someone like me, will always remember her head leaning to the left.. Will always remember the comfort and safety she was searching for by my side.. Will always remember the turbulent breathing as the violet lequid runs through her veins to her heart.. Will always remember the feeling when I realise that this is the last moment ever.. The very last time.. Will always remember her last breath.. A sad feeling of emptyness and a great loss..
She will be remembered.. They say that a dog is the man's best friend.. But it is so much more than that.. It's an animal who become part of your life and are taking a place in your family as if it was born there.. It gives a feeling of comfort and a feeling of safety when you're alone..
And I will with pleasure do it all once again, when time comes.
She is loved, and will be missed... As the missing member, of our family!
.
We Love You, Lady † Feb. 17th 2010 †
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