Bye Charlie

What if it wasn't his time yet ?
What if I made false accusations and condemned him by doing so?
What if I was wrong and he was perfectly healthy? For now at least...
I had his fate in my hands, and I failed. I didn't protect him well enough. I wasn't sufficient.. I left him behind and I wasn't there to prevent anyone else to take controle. I allowed someone else to decide his fate by not being where I was supposed to be. I went to have fun, and left him defenseless.
I know it had to be. And I know there was no way out.. Only I was stupid enough to postpone the inevitable.. But I cannot help myself. I cannot make myself believe I was not responsible. Cause I was responsible. I knew it had to happen, but I didn't want it to. And then it did. And now I am here.. Blaming myself for not being there. For not being the one to make the decision. For not being there for him.
Done is done.. With good intentions but a sad outcome..
This was it..
I am sorry I didn't try harder. .

♥ Charlie †June 30th 2011†

Forsaken

I feel like a failure.. I feel like I am being failed..
What I thought was the truth turned out to be the lie.. And what I so long have denied turned out to be the fact. I counted on the wrong one, even though I already knew it was the wrong one. I forgot to remember the truth.. And I forgot to remember the facts. In need I turned the wrong way, with the hope that I would no longer need to be in denial. But I was right about being wrong, and a huge rock fell upon my heart. If IT cannot be trusted, what can?
I now know where I stand.. I now know how I stand.. But more frightening is the fact that in the end I will still and again be standing alone.