Once Upon a Time…

. There was a Princess. She was this kind of girl nobody really knew. Even her parents did not know the inside of her.. To some people, she was kind and sweet. She helped where she could and gave the love she pretended to have. And they considered her as a very lovely person. To others, she was a cruel and self-centred witch, with no thoughts to anything but her own being.
The Emperor and Empress were unaware of what to do. They did not know how to help the Princess in life. And the Empress was certain that she would have no chances on her own. The Emperor may have ruled the empire, but the Empress of cause, ruled the marriage. And her word, was his law. So he would do nothing to stand up for the Princess, when she had her fights with the Empress. Even her closest friends did not know what was underneath the surface. But one day the Princess had enough and left the castle. The Empress denied her to go at first, because the Princess would never be able to take care of herself. She did not know how to care for her mother.. To leave her like that.. To go her own way.. There was no chance she ever would make it on her own. This was not tolerable to the Empress. But for once, the Emperor made her let the Princess go.
One year later, the Empress began to realise, that her little girl was no longer in her home. She was no longer an actual part of their family. So the Empress finally began to let go of her daughter. She had two more daughters who could become better Princesses. The Princess began to realise, that to leave the family, just made it torture for her sisters to live in the Castle. So she tried to talk with her mother, to make her see what she was doing. But the Empress refused to listen to the Princess. Cause the Princess was no longer in the castle. She was not a part of the family. She could not judge anything when she was never there. But how could she be there. . She could not enter the castle, without having the Empress throwing her right back out. The Emperor was just sitting on this throne, watching, and letting things happen. The Princess suggested the Empress to talk about it, so they could become okay with each other and remain a family. But as an Empress, she could not be the one to need help. No. The problem was the Princess. She was not right. She was not normal. She was the one to need help. But the Empress did not believe any help existed. So to leave the Princess on her own and refuse her the title as a Princess was the best ting she could do.

And so our tale ends. . What further happened to the Princess, you may ask her, if you run into her in the streets. Maybe you won’t know her at first. You have to be looking for a girl who is matching regular people. With a job, friends, and maybe a shopping bag or two. She will be falling into the crowd, living in her own little world. With her own empire and with herself as the ruler. Black heart or not. But to know her truly, nobody ever will.

.

It has begun.
I can feel my mind go crazy by time. I try to ignore the facts around me. I try to allow myself to believe I'm normal. But it's not working. I feel myself go mad as the time passes, like the rest of the people around me. I'm getting lost. I know there must be a way out. But I cannot find it. I'm trapped. Caught in my own web, as they say. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I feel insane. My mind will soon explode. And I will lose controle.
I work. I really do work to make this better. I really am trying to resist the madness in my heart. but it's not working. I'm losing. I'm dying. Or at least my soul is. I cannot escape this pain. This torture. This insanity that rules my mind.
It's interesting to see how far I will get, before I break.

When he sleeps.

Ever been watching someone asleep?
It’s a very nice view to have. To watch the dreams as they pass by in his mind.
So calm. So relaxed. So peaceful. So beautiful.
It's good to be dreaming.

Morning's Here . . . .

.
"Morning's Here
The Morning's Here
Sunshine is Here
The Sky is Clear
The Morning is Here
Get Into Gear
Breakfast is Near
The Dark of Nights Has Dissapeared"
.

Friends, 19th episode, sesson 4.

The Twisted World?!

AS IF,

The real world wasn't weird enough already,

With the Aliens, Spiders and the Faries...

Then I create my own freaky world,

with Friends and Chocolate too.

HOW TWISTED CAN THE WORLD GET ?!?!?!

Living ?

You can hear your own heartbeat.. you can feel your breathing.. You know that you are alive, because that is the common sense. . .
But are you completely at your full senses?? Are your mind clear?? Are you totally sane??

Sometimes it would be nice, just to be able to pinch yourself, just to make sure you are not living in a dream.. cause yourself pain just to be able to feel alive.. Is all that really necessary??
Maybe not..
Ever tried to wish for the death?
When every heartbeat has been a torment..
When breathing has been like a fire down your throat..
When living has been the worst pain of all the agony in the world..

Pinch yourself once in a while.. It's healthy to know there is a real reality..

To Miss

Have you ever felt like you were missing something?
Something really important, but you didn't know what it was..

To feel there is someone close to you.. but then feel that the same person os the one with the most distance.. To be hoping you will stay together for ever, but be knowing that it is not going to last...

To walk with fear, every single day, each lonely night.. The fear to lose.. The fear to get lost..

Have you ever tried that ?? I guess you have.. but it's a terrible feeling.. to love someone so much that every day is a pain.. To feel that without this person, you are not whole.. but half..

I have such a friend.. A friend I care about.. A friend I love.. And a friend I would not be able to bear to lose.. The loss will be unbearable.. And the loss would make me mad.. it would drive me crazy.. .

I don't know these things.. but I feel it that way.. I cannot live a day without this friend... Just the though of being without this friend, is able to make the tears flow in seconds.. It's one of the few things who are able to make me cry. . It's a thing who can make me sad and depressed in no time..

But all I can do, is to hope.. Believe.. That my friend, will never leave me..

Do you know the feeling of being watched, while you do know that you aren't?
Or do you actually know that you aren't being watched? is it certain that nobody is keeping an eye on you?

I am the kind of person who like be alone. I am the kind of person who appreciate not to have someone watching over my shoulder all the time..
I am the kind of person who dislike to sit in a room filled with people. I would rather wanna be somewhere else.. somewhere without eyes and ears. It's not comfertable. . .

To be sitting here with a friend doing her homeworks, while I am writing something she doesn't even see, makes me paranoid. this guy behind me proberbly are able to see what I am doing.. And now others from my class entered the room..
In the moment anyone moves I hear it.. I feel it.. and I get the shivers by knowing someone might notise what I am doing. I know this is not what I am suposed to do. but it's not that wrong either. what else do I have to do at the moment? else than going back to the class I am trying so hard to miss..

No.. I am fine here..
I just need to get rid of some of these people . . . .

Rose...

Rose...
She is huge and beautiful. When it's the right eyes who is watching. She got personality. and she is characteristic.
I have seen her almost every day for about 3 years. Now. For the last 1.5 years, I have only seen her sometimes.. I go with her on wedensdays. but its not always her.
She is white. but sometimes its a blue who arrives.
she only have two exits, and the second door is placed in the middle.
I always place myself in front of the last door. I feel comfertable there. I sit by the window. She makes me feel safe and warm there. She always makes sure I am not scared because of the crowd. even when there almost is no seat she makes sure there is room for me.
She is giving me a feeling of, that one day, if I had to, I would give away everything for her. Each time it isn't her, I am missing her. I want it to be her. And I fear for the day, she will no longer be for any use.

I do not know, if Rose is her name. I just named her that. Once upon a time, someone wrote "ROSE", on the seat in front of the seat, in front of the door in the middle. And from that day, her name has been Rose. I know her. I know the atmosphere. I know her colours. I know the pattern on the seats. I know where there is mirrors, and I know how she sounds. I know that not everything works. But a ride in Rose. That is home. . .

Dedicated to Rose, The bus with the greatest personality.