To Miss

Have you ever felt like you were missing something?
Something really important, but you didn't know what it was..

To feel there is someone close to you.. but then feel that the same person os the one with the most distance.. To be hoping you will stay together for ever, but be knowing that it is not going to last...

To walk with fear, every single day, each lonely night.. The fear to lose.. The fear to get lost..

Have you ever tried that ?? I guess you have.. but it's a terrible feeling.. to love someone so much that every day is a pain.. To feel that without this person, you are not whole.. but half..

I have such a friend.. A friend I care about.. A friend I love.. And a friend I would not be able to bear to lose.. The loss will be unbearable.. And the loss would make me mad.. it would drive me crazy.. .

I don't know these things.. but I feel it that way.. I cannot live a day without this friend... Just the though of being without this friend, is able to make the tears flow in seconds.. It's one of the few things who are able to make me cry. . It's a thing who can make me sad and depressed in no time..

But all I can do, is to hope.. Believe.. That my friend, will never leave me..

Do you know the feeling of being watched, while you do know that you aren't?
Or do you actually know that you aren't being watched? is it certain that nobody is keeping an eye on you?

I am the kind of person who like be alone. I am the kind of person who appreciate not to have someone watching over my shoulder all the time..
I am the kind of person who dislike to sit in a room filled with people. I would rather wanna be somewhere else.. somewhere without eyes and ears. It's not comfertable. . .

To be sitting here with a friend doing her homeworks, while I am writing something she doesn't even see, makes me paranoid. this guy behind me proberbly are able to see what I am doing.. And now others from my class entered the room..
In the moment anyone moves I hear it.. I feel it.. and I get the shivers by knowing someone might notise what I am doing. I know this is not what I am suposed to do. but it's not that wrong either. what else do I have to do at the moment? else than going back to the class I am trying so hard to miss..

No.. I am fine here..
I just need to get rid of some of these people . . . .

Rose...

Rose...
She is huge and beautiful. When it's the right eyes who is watching. She got personality. and she is characteristic.
I have seen her almost every day for about 3 years. Now. For the last 1.5 years, I have only seen her sometimes.. I go with her on wedensdays. but its not always her.
She is white. but sometimes its a blue who arrives.
she only have two exits, and the second door is placed in the middle.
I always place myself in front of the last door. I feel comfertable there. I sit by the window. She makes me feel safe and warm there. She always makes sure I am not scared because of the crowd. even when there almost is no seat she makes sure there is room for me.
She is giving me a feeling of, that one day, if I had to, I would give away everything for her. Each time it isn't her, I am missing her. I want it to be her. And I fear for the day, she will no longer be for any use.

I do not know, if Rose is her name. I just named her that. Once upon a time, someone wrote "ROSE", on the seat in front of the seat, in front of the door in the middle. And from that day, her name has been Rose. I know her. I know the atmosphere. I know her colours. I know the pattern on the seats. I know where there is mirrors, and I know how she sounds. I know that not everything works. But a ride in Rose. That is home. . .

Dedicated to Rose, The bus with the greatest personality.