Forsaken

I feel like a failure.. I feel like I am being failed..
What I thought was the truth turned out to be the lie.. And what I so long have denied turned out to be the fact. I counted on the wrong one, even though I already knew it was the wrong one. I forgot to remember the truth.. And I forgot to remember the facts. In need I turned the wrong way, with the hope that I would no longer need to be in denial. But I was right about being wrong, and a huge rock fell upon my heart. If IT cannot be trusted, what can?
I now know where I stand.. I now know how I stand.. But more frightening is the fact that in the end I will still and again be standing alone.

A Very Good Day...

.. To feel the grass under your feet..
.. To enjoy the trees above your head..
.. To feel the breeze in your face..
.. To be with a friend..
.. To feel loved..
.. To love..
.. A Very Good Day!


- 25th April 2011 -

Charlie

He is small and sweet.. He loves you as long as you take care of him.. He wants your attention.. He askes for you to care.. He make his best effort to give you his own affection.. He tries his very best to let you know he loves you too.. He gives you his own signs of approval.. He makes your heart melt just by looking at you.. He has his own personality, and he lives for making you happy..

He is not mine.. Never has been.. He belongs to someone who doesn't show him much care, so I have been his mom for quite some time.. I see him and takes care of him every day.. He is a child left in my custody.. I love him, as I love my own.. But now I am to make the decision.. Once again I am the one to be master of the fate of a creature who does not even belong to me.. I am to decide wether he lives or not.. I hate this position.. I hate to say good bye, and to be the one to say; Now is the end!..
But compared to everything I have been given by these creatures, I wouldn't miss a thing! I wouldn't be without the pain, cause the pain reminds me, of why I go through it all.. All the life and happiness they give, all the pleasure and love they bring into your life.. Love them back and it will never be in vain..

I love my animals.. And I would never live a life without them.. I love Charlie, and I hope he will live for many years to come.. He is sick and are not having many chances left. Tomorrow will be my last visit at the Vet.. I just hope for the best.. as Always!

You Don't Care . . .

.

Why Would You . . .

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Her, I Love..

Her, I Love..

So beautiful..

So kind..

So lovable..

Her hair is like a summerday and her eyes shines like the sun it self..

Her laughter is as beautiful and warming as the feeling of the greatest hug in the world..

Her presence makes the ground shiver and the stars fall down..

Her life is life-giving and her soul is making life worth living..

She knows the right words and she knows the right touch..

She brings hope and comfort..

She brings light into darkness..

she brings love into life..

She reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.,

Her, I Love!

To Know

I may have let go of my life a long time ago..
I don't know if I am waiting for something which is never gonna come. Maybe I am searching for something which does not exist. I don't know. .
I do not know many things. But I do think of the things I don't know. Did I water my flower this week? Did I leave my keys in the kitchen? Did I say that line wrong? Did I forget to say "Hi'"? Did I miss my chance? Did I let go too soon? Did I forget to remember what I wanted? Did I do right? Or was it wrong? Am I too weak? or do I act too strong? Didn't I see what I had? Can't I see what is comming? Maybe I held on, but didn't have it. . Or maybe I had it, but let go. . I do not see where my life is going. And I do not see how it got here.. I don't understand why I feel the way I do, think the way I do, act the way I do. I don't even know why I am sitting here now. Writing about what I don't know, when I know that I deep down know everything. I somehow just wanna let go, and see where it will take me. Maybe things will get better.. Or maybe they will keep going down. I don't know..
I may have let go of my life a long time ago.. Or maybe I am just waiting for it to start. Maybe I am standing right in the middle of it. . Maybe in the end, I will know. . .

Well..

To have a place to be and somewhere to place your things.. To have things you like because you like these things.. And to live with people you love because you cannot stop loving them, does not create a home. It does not create an existance. It doesn't help you through the little things in life.. What happens when you forget to be you? Does your surroundings help you? What happens when you lose your ability to think? What happens when the people you love, is not that lovable and the things you like aren't that likeable to you? What happens when the place you are is not the place you wanna be? Can you just escape? What if the only escape you have, is no longer available? Will you then just stay where you are, in the place you don't wanna be, with the things you don't like and people you don't love? Well.. Sometimes I'm just confused.
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