The Heart

He is in pain.. He is hurting.. He is being abused, violated and tortured..
I am hurting him..
I am not letting him breathe.. I am killing him from the inside.. I am letting him feel the fysical pain.. And I am letting him feel the mental pain. .
He is bound, and has no way out..
I am betraying him. .
I am deserting his trust and confidence in me.. I give him no hope to live by. . I am leaving him for an open hell and with a wish for death..
I wake up.. Feeling calm.. Feeling joy and happiness.. And with no fear of losing what I once loved..
Then i feel empty and complete at the same time.. And I know that my actions were driven by desire. "What desire?" you might ask.. Honestly, I wish I didn't know..

Bye Charlie

What if it wasn't his time yet ?
What if I made false accusations and condemned him by doing so?
What if I was wrong and he was perfectly healthy? For now at least...
I had his fate in my hands, and I failed. I didn't protect him well enough. I wasn't sufficient.. I left him behind and I wasn't there to prevent anyone else to take controle. I allowed someone else to decide his fate by not being where I was supposed to be. I went to have fun, and left him defenseless.
I know it had to be. And I know there was no way out.. Only I was stupid enough to postpone the inevitable.. But I cannot help myself. I cannot make myself believe I was not responsible. Cause I was responsible. I knew it had to happen, but I didn't want it to. And then it did. And now I am here.. Blaming myself for not being there. For not being the one to make the decision. For not being there for him.
Done is done.. With good intentions but a sad outcome..
This was it..
I am sorry I didn't try harder. .

♥ Charlie †June 30th 2011†

Forsaken

I feel like a failure.. I feel like I am being failed..
What I thought was the truth turned out to be the lie.. And what I so long have denied turned out to be the fact. I counted on the wrong one, even though I already knew it was the wrong one. I forgot to remember the truth.. And I forgot to remember the facts. In need I turned the wrong way, with the hope that I would no longer need to be in denial. But I was right about being wrong, and a huge rock fell upon my heart. If IT cannot be trusted, what can?
I now know where I stand.. I now know how I stand.. But more frightening is the fact that in the end I will still and again be standing alone.

A Very Good Day...

.. To feel the grass under your feet..
.. To enjoy the trees above your head..
.. To feel the breeze in your face..
.. To be with a friend..
.. To feel loved..
.. To love..
.. A Very Good Day!


- 25th April 2011 -

Charlie

He is small and sweet.. He loves you as long as you take care of him.. He wants your attention.. He askes for you to care.. He make his best effort to give you his own affection.. He tries his very best to let you know he loves you too.. He gives you his own signs of approval.. He makes your heart melt just by looking at you.. He has his own personality, and he lives for making you happy..

He is not mine.. Never has been.. He belongs to someone who doesn't show him much care, so I have been his mom for quite some time.. I see him and takes care of him every day.. He is a child left in my custody.. I love him, as I love my own.. But now I am to make the decision.. Once again I am the one to be master of the fate of a creature who does not even belong to me.. I am to decide wether he lives or not.. I hate this position.. I hate to say good bye, and to be the one to say; Now is the end!..
But compared to everything I have been given by these creatures, I wouldn't miss a thing! I wouldn't be without the pain, cause the pain reminds me, of why I go through it all.. All the life and happiness they give, all the pleasure and love they bring into your life.. Love them back and it will never be in vain..

I love my animals.. And I would never live a life without them.. I love Charlie, and I hope he will live for many years to come.. He is sick and are not having many chances left. Tomorrow will be my last visit at the Vet.. I just hope for the best.. as Always!

You Don't Care . . .

.

Why Would You . . .

.

Her, I Love..

Her, I Love..

So beautiful..

So kind..

So lovable..

Her hair is like a summerday and her eyes shines like the sun it self..

Her laughter is as beautiful and warming as the feeling of the greatest hug in the world..

Her presence makes the ground shiver and the stars fall down..

Her life is life-giving and her soul is making life worth living..

She knows the right words and she knows the right touch..

She brings hope and comfort..

She brings light into darkness..

she brings love into life..

She reaches for your hand, but touches your heart.,

Her, I Love!